Cat Jokes & Quotes

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."

-- Ernest Menaul (French author & zoologist The Intelligence of Animals, Other books in French)
"Cats sleep an average of 16 hours per day. That means a six-year-old cat will only have spent about two years of his life awake!"

-- Unknown - From the Book: "For the Love of Cats"
"Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours."

-- Unknown - From the Book: "For the Love of Cats"
"A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not."

-- Ernest Hemingway (American novelist, short story writer & journalist Farewell to Arms, Old Man & the Sea, For Whom the Bell Tolls & The Moving Feast)
"What's a cat's way of keeping law & order? CLAW ENFORCEMENT! What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? THE PURRPATRATOR!"

-- Unknown - From caster.com/molz/short-funny-cat-jokes
"When dogs jump on your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed."

-- Alisha Everett (Profession unknown -- quote taken from the book, For the Love of Cats )
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."

-- Joseph Wood Crutch (American writer, cultural critic and naturalist. Modern Temper: A Study & A Confession, The Best Nature Writing, The Great Chain of Life)
"Happy owner, happy cat. Indifferent owner, reclusive cat."

-- A Chinese Proverb from the book, "For the Love of Cats"
"After a long day of lying on the sofa, I like to unwind by rolling over for a stretch & a nap."

-- Unknown - From the Book: "For the Love of Cats"
"Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, 'I'll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?'"

-- Bette Midler (American singer, songwriter, actress, comedian & film producer. Vocal Performance: "Wind Beneath My Wings:" in the movie "The Beaches" in 1988, Vocal Performance: "From a Distance:" in the movie "Some People's Lives" in 1990, Vocal Performance: "The Rose:" in the movie "The Rose" in 1979)
"You can't look at a sleeping cat and be tense."

-- Jane Pauley (American TV anchor & journalist Co-Host of NBC's Today program and Dateline NBC)
"There is nothing in the animal world, to my mind, more delightful than grown cats at play. They are so swift and light and graceful, so subtle and designing, and yet so richly comic."

-- Monica Edwards (English Children's Writer Romney Marsh & Punchbowl Farm series of children's novels, Many other short stories)
"Cats are dangerous companions for writers because cat watching is a near-perfect method of writing avoidance."

-- Dan Greenburg (American writer, humorist, journalist & script writer The Zack Files & other children's books)
"1. We're convinced the world revolves around us. 2. We'll never turn down a back massage. 3. We sometimes hide when people come to the door. 4. We like to stare at ourselves in the mirror. 5. We can nap anytime, anywhere, regardless of appropriateness or noise levels. 6. All our toys bore us after the first five minutes. 7. We believe in the value of snuggling. 8. We're not so sure about the intelligence level of dogs. 9. Sometimes we run around for no apparent reason. 10. We'd rather torture people by making them guess what we want versus just telling them outright."

-- Dena Harris - from her book "For the Love of Cats" (Freelance writer & popular cat humorist Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover's Soul; I Love Cats; Cats & Kittens; Lessons in Stalking...Adjusting to Life with Cats & more)
"I learn a lesson of life from a little kitten of mine, one of two. The old cat comes in and says, very cross (to the kittens): "I didn't ask you in here, I like to have my Missus to myself!" Then he runs at the kittens. The bigger and handsome kitten runs away, but the little one stands her ground and, when the older enemy comes near enough, the little kitten kisses the enemy's nose and makes peace. That is the lesson of life, to kiss one's enemy's nose while always standing one's ground."

-- Florence Nightingale (Nurse (Crimean War), founder of modern nursing, author, educator, inventor, researcher, statistician & philanthropist Notes on Nursing: What it IS & What it is Not, Authority on hospital planning, Consultant during the following wars: American Civil War, Franco-Prussian War & multiple British military campaigns)
"A cat is there when you call her -- if she doesn't have something better to do."

-- Bill Adler (An American music journalist & critic who specializes in hip-hop. )
"The really great thing about cats is their endless variety. One can pick a cat to fit almost any kind of decor, color scheme, income, personality, mood. But under the fur; whatever color it may be, there still lies, essentially unchanged, one of the world's free souls."

-- Eric Gurney (Canadian-American cartoonist & illustrator; 1938: Walt Disney Co. cartoonist & illustrator How to Live with a Calculating Cat & other books)
"Cats KNOW how to obtain FOOD without labor, SHELTER without confinement, and LOVE without penalties."

-- W.L. George (English Writer/journalist - grew up in Paris - wrote novels, short stories, literary essays & political tracts A Bed of Roses, Caliban)
"I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love."

-- James Herriot (Author All Creatures Great and Small)
"When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip -- not enough for even a modest lunch -- we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it. Thinking quickly, my daughter then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds and then put the fish back down. The cats dug right in."

-- Unknown